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Funny Instructions


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#1 Erykah

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 09:16 AM

On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.

Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.

On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.

On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.

On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.

On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.

On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.

On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.

On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.

A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.

A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.

Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.

On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.

On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.

On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.

On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.

On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.

In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.

On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.

Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.

On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.

On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.

On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.

On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.

On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.

On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.

On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.

On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.

On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.

#2 mini76

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 12:21 PM

:D :D
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

#3 Grasshopper

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 02:51 PM

On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.


Mmm. Well of course this one came in after someone SUCCESSFULLY sued MacDonalds because they burnt themselves on their hot cup of coffee. And it's lunacy like that, that has led to them all. They may seem blindingly obvious but that appears to be no defence in a law court............. :D
Listened for he cannot be heard;
Looked for he cannot be seen;
Felt he cannot be touched.


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#4 Kimbo

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 04:37 PM

You would think so wouldn't you, Grasshopper?
But, and I kid you not, there used to be a rule applied by the courts, known as 'the reasonableness test'.

In the absence of a specific ruling that could be applied (case law), the court would consider whether or not it would be 'reasonable' to assume that an action would result in a particular...hmm....result.

This test appears to have been forgotten, as nobody is to be able to say exactly what is and isn't 'reasonable' under any particular set of circumstances and to be honest, it is a rather vague concept.

Take Advent branded products for example - one might reasonably expect them to be of 'merchantable quality' and fit for their intended purpose.
However, given their long history of known problems, one might also reasonably expect them not to be :D
"'Feng Shui'........what does that mean?"
"it means, 'some people will believe anything'"

#5 mini76

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Posted 30 April 2008 - 06:57 PM

You would think so wouldn't you, Grasshopper?
But, and I kid you not, there used to be a rule applied by the courts, known as 'the reasonableness test'.

In the absence of a specific ruling that could be applied (case law), the court would consider whether or not it would be 'reasonable' to assume that an action would result in a particular...hmm....result.

This test appears to have been forgotten, as nobody is to be able to say exactly what is and isn't 'reasonable' under any particular set of circumstances and to be honest, it is a rather vague concept.

Take Advent branded products for example - one might reasonably expect them to be of 'merchantable quality' and fit for their intended purpose.
However, given their long history of known problems, one might also reasonably expect them not to be :D




Kimbo,
That sure makes sense, I think.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

#6 kismet

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 07:26 PM

You would think so wouldn't you, Grasshopper?
But, and I kid you not, there used to be a rule applied by the courts, known as 'the reasonableness test'.

In the absence of a specific ruling that could be applied (case law), the court would consider whether or not it would be 'reasonable' to assume that an action would result in a particular...hmm....result.

This test appears to have been forgotten, as nobody is to be able to say exactly what is and isn't 'reasonable' under any particular set of circumstances and to be honest, it is a rather vague concept.

Take Advent branded products for example - one might reasonably expect them to be of 'merchantable quality' and fit for their intended purpose.
However, given their long history of known problems, one might also reasonably expect them not to be :hmm:


i understand that some things are disputable such as the quality of a product, but some of those are just absolutely insane, like the Japanese knife, keep out of children. that is just common sense. ones like warning hot beverages are hot are pretty reasonable because someone can easily come back with the an argument saying that they were not warned of the temperature. but i suppose that a company has to put these instructions and warnings on so if someone does say, attempt to stop the chainsaw with their hands they can't be blamed, because the user of the product was warned outright.

#7 Kimbo

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 11:53 PM

..... ones like warning hot beverages are hot are pretty reasonable because someone can easily come back with the an argument saying that they were not warned of the temperature. but i suppose that a company has to put these instructions and warnings on so if someone does say, attempt to stop the chainsaw with their hands they can't be blamed, because the user of the product was warned outright.


That is of course the reasoning behind it, but let's face it any such claim really ought to be dismissed long before any court action is taken.
Why should the legal profession even entertain the idea of representing these idiots, especially when it's so hard for other people to bring 'legitimate' claims?

It's like the bloke from the injury claims advert, the one who was fitting a burglar alarm but "was given the wrong type of ladder".
I know there's always pressure at work to 'get the job done', but more fool him for agreeing to use the ladder in the first place!
"'Feng Shui'........what does that mean?"
"it means, 'some people will believe anything'"

#8 Grasshopper

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Posted 01 June 2008 - 10:06 AM

Oh yes Kimbo, that ladder ad always p*sses me off too! Where is there any sense of personal responsibility? 'I was given the wrong sort of ladder.' Yes......and you used it! Take responsibility for your own actions..........grrrrrrrrrrr :hmm:
Listened for he cannot be heard;
Looked for he cannot be seen;
Felt he cannot be touched.


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#9 mini76

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Posted 02 June 2008 - 08:57 AM

slightly off topic
But claim related.
The driver advert.
they have now resited the bus stop.
O NO, on the other side of the road
Potential claim there I think!
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.